“Know that love is the way, the truth, and the life. The one who loves with the heart, body, and soul is guided to the Divine.” ~Ibn Arabi
It’s incredible when we discover that we never had obstacles outside of us. The struggle to achieve something, the suffering of not being seen, appreciated, or considered, and the constant blocks we perceived in front of us when we wanted to live out our dreams, were all mental constructs rooted in our inner fears, lack of self-love, and self-appreciation.
When our consciousness hasn’t yet awakened, we stand before life, silently begging it to give us a chance to fulfill a dream or achieve something. We call this “praying.” We move from a deep wound of wanting to belong, to be seen, to be appreciated—especially by those closest to us, particularly our father and mother.
Even as adults, we unconsciously seek approval from others, approval that our parents themselves may not have received from their own parents and, therefore, cannot give to us. As we grow older, we shift this need for approval to something greater—society, the community, the nation, teachers, employers, etc. We find ourselves constantly seeking validation from figures that hold authority in our eyes, those whose opinions matter.
If we enter a relationship projecting our unmet need for love, our partner becomes our greatest judge in our eyes. No matter how hard we try, seeking approval from others always leaves us in the same place—empty, with a strange feeling of not being good enough.
We could trace the origin of the problem back to childhood, blaming our parents, our grandparents, and even going as far as to trace it all the way back to ”Adam and Eve”. But that would be bypassing the real issue: taking responsibility as adults for our own well-being today.
There’s no rejection more painful than self-rejection. It’s so intense that it’s easily projected onto others. This projection allows us to comfortably sit in the victim role and demand others see us, hear us, and validate us.
“I want to be seen. I want to be heard. I want to be supported. I want to be understood. I want to be redeemed. I want to be rewarded…” And we wish for this from everyone else, because the thought of offering these things to ourselves doesn’t seem appealing or promising. It feels like receiving attention from someone you’re not interested in. And the reason it feels that way is simple: You’re not interested in yourself.
Here, we can confuse narcissism with self-love. Let’s clarify things: a narcissist doesn’t love themselves. A narcissist despises themselves so deeply that they need constant external validation to feel worthy. They fall into the trap of their ego, seeking all possible ways to grab attention and reassurance. A narcissist is starving for attention.
Love, on the other hand, is never harmful, never egotistical, nor capable of turning you into a psychopath. Love is God itself, the very engine of existence.
Returning to self-love, this is the only love you truly need. It’s the only love that will make you feel happy, fulfilled, and at peace with your life. It’s the only love that will allow you to experience the true joy of existing.
Self-love is the power of recognizing the Divine within you. It’s the same feeling you have when you fall in love with someone else: wanting to know everything about them—their talents, their tastes, their interests. Similarly, when you love yourself, you begin to know everything about yourself. You enter an inner relationship, learning to love yourself through every cell.
You start observing your life, your habits, your thoughts. And just as you would care for a beloved outside of you, you begin to take care of your own well-being. When you love yourself, you seek your well-being not out of self-criticism to fit into society and earn external compliments, but out of true self-care and love.
When you love yourself, what you think of yourself is far more important than what others think. Your focus becomes your loyalty to your ideals, your vision, your project, your stability, your growth. Therefore, in a truthful relationship with yourself, there is no space for infidelity. You can’t cheat yourself or engage in actions that aren’t authentic to who you are. This should not be confused with rebelliousness—unhealthy rebelliousness stems from a need to capture others’ attention. Self-love, on the other hand, centers you in your life, your project, and your growth, offering the cure to all social diseases like envy and hatred.
The world doesn’t need anything except high doses of self-love.
Social structures that force people to maintain an image for the sake of others, causing them to suffer due to others’ opinions, are societies that feed off vulnerability—seeking approval and recognition. Being blamed, excluded, or criticized is the worst punishment you can give someone living with this mindset, which applies to the majority of humanity.
The moment you turn your full attention to yourself, you strip external opinions of their power, allowing you to remain true to yourself, your ideals, your project, and your talents.
Self-love, then, is the foundation of your life’s mission. Your purpose is covered by many veils, the first being shadow, mental obstructions, and social biases. With self-love, you begin to dismantle these veils, clearing the path forward.
Self-love is a powerful way to clear your path in life and a fundamental condition for fulfilling your purpose. Your purpose is rooted in your uniqueness—your primal qualities, which are expressions of your inner Divine Attributes.
When I speak of primal qualities, I’m not referring to egotistical traits that you identify with. I’m speaking of your Divine and unique composition, perfectly crafted for your mission in this incarnation.
Before we can embark on our mission, we must cross a path of cleansing: cleansing beliefs, trauma, obstacles, mental structures, and social influences. Only then can we approach the real call of our soul.
It’s true that, in many cases, the journey of self-discovery begins with a lack of self-love. The discomfort created by this lack often leads to chaos in our reality, pushing us to embrace the path of self-healing. In the end, this path is simply self-love and self love is nothing else but Divine Love.
The Circle of Hanik 