Our biggest fear is replicating our wounds. And yet, the more we try to avoid them, shifting tactics and strategies, the more we end up falling into the same patterns.
I have seen how many people choose loneliness as a way to preserve their energy and emotional stability. The more we grow, if we haven’t truly figured out what’s happening within us, we tend to become more defensive, fearing others as a potential danger to our well-being. Hearts close because we don’t know how to interpret the other.
The first thing to understand is that while we live from the mind, we naturally operate in fear, because the mind is the tool we use to prevent pain. And when we run from pain, our instinct is to seek protection and build walls. Yet these walls often lead us to high states of loneliness. Even if this loneliness feels depressive, it often feels safer than the instability of company.
The problem with mental walls is that we lose sight of who we truly are, and we cannot see the essence of the other. We only see facades that scare us, impact us, or make us feel fragile. Relationships remain shallow; there is no space for profound connections. We live in a world of mental fortresses, surrounded by fragile, unstable bonds.
Is there a solution?
Yes: total authenticity, total vulnerability!!!
Vulnerability is not weakness; it is the courageous strength to show ourselves as we are—without strategies of attraction, without games, without manipulation. This level of vulnerability requires profound strength and a self-confidence rooted in self-knowledge.
Self-knowledge leads to real authenticity. However, we must understand that our current definition of authenticity may not reflect our deepest truth. What we perceive as “real” today often stems from an altered nervous system still responding to pain, wounds, and ancestral information controlling us through unconscious patterns. You might claim that your authenticity is expressed through a lack of self-respect or dignity, but authenticity never acts against you. Authenticity is not an attitude of defeat or submission; it is a deep involvement with your own energy—a movement of self-admiration, self-discovery, self-love, self-care, and self-appreciation.
Authenticity is not selfishness. Selfishness comes from inner scarcity, draining others to feel fulfilled. Authenticity is the discovery of who you are, what you are good at, what you need to integrate, what hurts, how you can heal, and what you came to this world to do. It is the synchronization of your heavenly and earthly aspects, aligning them to fulfill their purpose in this brief existence. Authenticity is a self-involvement that does not diminish the importance of others; rather, it organizes your energy to honor your priorities while respecting others’ roles in your life.
When we are self-involved, we become magnetic, emanating completeness and happiness. We radiate a rich, pleasurable energy, becoming admirable rather than wounded beings in need of saving—a dynamic that drains both ourselves and others. Life grants us the time and energy to fulfill our personal mission; we do not have the capacity to parent or rescue others we did not bring into this world.
Being involved in our life’s project accelerates our inner light, creating a subtle but powerful energy visible to the soul’s eye, regardless of external appearances.
Authenticity becomes your greatest protection.
When you are self-involved, you quickly recognize when someone expects you to give them a place in your life that doesn’t belong to them, or when they want you to sacrifice your life’s mission for them. Self-involvement grants you mental clarity. The confusion and justifications that keep you in illusions stem from inner scarcity, wounds, and emotional neediness that make you fear losing others.
Authenticity does not fear loss. You never truly lose when you have yourself. Others are complements, not the missing pieces that complete you. This does not mean you disregard others’ importance, but rather that you honor them by giving them their rightful place without replacing yourself in your own life. Not fearing loss does not equate to indifference or the absence of feelings; it means understanding that if someone does not remain in your life, it simply reflects a difference in frequency. It does not make them a bad person; it simply means they are not aligned with you, and that is perfectly okay.
Respecting others’ processes and decisions flows naturally from self-involvement and authenticity. Authenticity is not defined by speaking loudly or softly, laughing often or rarely. It cannot be standardized. It is the total respect for who you are and how you feel in each moment.
Authenticity is a state of awareness, not the fearful vigilance of “red flags.” Awareness is the constant check-in with your body: Do I feel comfortable or invaded? Vigilance, in contrast, is an excessive analysis of others to find fault. You do not need to analyze others to detect their masks; when you are aware of your body, it will tell you everything you need to know. If you are under threat, your body will signal discomfort, anxiety, fear, or muscle tension, even if your mind perceives the other as polite or charming.
Protection is not defensiveness, and boundaries are not barriers.
Protection is the natural result of self-involvement. When hardships arise, rather than sitting in victimhood, we recognize our role in the dynamic. This is not about justifying others’ behavior, but about understanding how we became vulnerable to their dynamic by unconsciously signaling them that they had space in our field. Did I send signals of neediness? Did I abandon myself for them? Through self-analysis—not self-blame—we immediately reprogram our frequency, stepping out of the vibration of being abused or ignored.
There are two types of individuals we attract when we lack self-involvement:
- The taker, who engages deeply as you devalue yourself, and you misinterpret this as love.
- The avoidant, who senses your lack of self-standing and avoids taking on a caretaker role.
Doing things “right” does not guarantee the permanence of anyone in your life. But the goal is not permanence—it is your total presence in your life, attracting those aligned with your frequency to build healthy connections. Many will leave, even at the beginning of the connection, and instead of fearing this, you can feel grateful. It speeds up your self-integration process and saves you the emotional cost of trial and error.
This journey is a process of recalibration, and it’s okay to go back and forth. It’s okay to fail, to introspect, to revisit conversations and moments to find understanding. But remember: the answers are always within you. It is not about why the other made a certain choice; it is about what their choice revealed about you.
You are the main character of your life. You are responsible for yourself, and that is your power.
The Circle of Hanik 